You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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