Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
