She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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