It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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