wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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