it's too hot outside to masturbate.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
