Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
