Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
