I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
