Non-Jews are for practice
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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