I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
where are my eyebrows?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
