I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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