Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
