how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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