there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
