Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
