can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
