Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
