i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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