I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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