She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
