Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
