Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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