So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
