My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize