Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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