i think i have two assholes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had to cum in my sink.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
