They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
