It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
