our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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