i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
