The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
