i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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