The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
