he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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