WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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