Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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