god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
