Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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