Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize