People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Never underestimate the power of titties
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