it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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