We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
