I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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