Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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