You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
