yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
