So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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