Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
from now on my penis is your penis
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
