I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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