It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
