Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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