We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
