I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
time to smoke my breakfast
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
