Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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