when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
