Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
