Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dicks are not precious.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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