Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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