Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
