I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
