So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
