Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
