i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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