is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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