And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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