Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
These tits shall not be calmed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
