what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my shit smells like andre
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
