Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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