Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
