i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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