Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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