Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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