Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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