You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
