Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
