can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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