Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
