so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize