I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
