why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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