so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
