Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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