There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
