When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
