I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
