and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
