My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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