Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
