I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My first STD was from a foam party
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
