I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
