cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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