You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
