This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize