Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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