i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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