idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
