So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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