Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
