I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
