I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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